How Do You Talk to Yourself?

Imagine this. You’re at your favorite coffee shop. Your favorite song is playing. For me, that song is “Bright Lights” by Gary Clark Jr. You are drinking your favorite drink. For me, that’s a nitro cold brew. You feel peaceful. You feel whole. You feel calm and confident. You are ready to tackle your day with joy and grace. 

Suddenly, someone sits down across from you. Despite their chaotic entrance, you smile. You welcome them to have a sit. Then, they start rattling off hurtful and hateful statements. They say negative things about how you look, how you think, how you speak, how you act, and what you’re capable of doing. They are rude. They are toxic. They are not productive or helpful in any possible way, shape, or form. 

You would get up and leave, right? You would NEVER let someone speak to you that way. You know you deserve better, and you know that you are loved beyond measure by so many people. So, now the hard question – why do you let yourself talk to you that way? Why do you let your own mind say hurtful things about you, your dreams, your capabilities, your appearance, and your gifts?  

I think about this analogy a lot when negative, toxic thoughts creep up. In psychology, they often call this internal voice your ego. In my terms, I call this internal voice my “inner mean girl” – she likes to creep up and tell me horrible things, such as:

“I don’t believe you just said that!”

“Everyone here thinks you’re too loud and obnoxious.” 

“You don’t fit in here.” 

“You really messed that one up.”

“Well, you bombed that test.” 

“Oh goodness, look what you did – that person will never want to work with you.” 

I spent man years of my life letting that inner mean girl determine my self-worth and self-love. As a result, I was taking bad care of myself and I was letting toxic people into my life. If you don’t love yourself the most, how can you expect other people to love you? 

When I catch my inner mean girl sneaking up on me, I kick her to the curb. Here are some mantras and quotes I tell myself to re-frame and re-direct my thoughts: 

“Be mindful of your self-talk. It’s a conversation with the universe.” – David James 

“Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love.” – Brene Brown 

“Tell yourself who you are. That you are beautiful and full of light and love. That is truth talking. That is what we must listen to.” –  Ora Nadrich 

The way you speak to yourself is powerful. The words you tell yourself will either empower you or defeat you. And my darling, you are worthy of beautiful, wonderful aspirations and experiences in life. Leave any internal conversation with yourself that doesn’t make you better or motivate you. You are, after all, filled with love and light. I believe that truth with all my heart. 

Much love,

Ashley