@mentallywhole Takes Over Our Insta to Share Her Journey

Ashley Nelles, the warrior behind the Instagram account @mentallywhole, will be taking over our Insta Stories today to share her mental health journey! Happy Friday!

“I don’t remember a time when I didn’t struggle with my mental health. As a child, it was separation and anxiety. I began therapy in elementary school and again in middle school. I started antidepressants in middle school. 

I also discovered my career path, therapy. I wanted nothing more than to helps those like me feel less alone because that is how I’ve always felt, broken and alone. I survived high school and even went off to college. But after the not first year, things went downhill. I was diagnosed with Depression. Therapy, medication changes, recovery.

I changed a lot throughout college. Struggling with my identity and sense of self. I engaged in dangerous, self-sabotaging behaviors, and desperately sought approval. I couldn’t seem to understand the whirlwind of emotions I felt instead. Nevertheless, I survived college. I graduated a year early and got accepted into graduate school. I was on a high. Then came the low. Self-mutilation, dropping out of school, and working way too much. I attempted suicide twice.

Finally, it clicked. I couldn’t continue to suffer like this. I sought therapy and intensive treatment. I also received my first formal diagnosis. It came back as Anxiety, Depression, and to my surprise Borderline Personality Disorder. I was hurt and shocked. I knew the stereotypes and I didn’t want to be ’that.’

However, it didn’t take me long to recognize my second chance. For once aspects of myself that I felt but could never name, were validated. Slowly, I began to recover.

I went back to school and excelled. Yet, that year I was so unhappy. My relationship was holding on by a thread, and so was I. Finally, I recognized what I had been doing. I was sacrificing my identity to go career. I saw my future of stress and unhappiness. Taking it out on my relationship and future family. I understood what needed to change. 

I left school. I decided not to become a therapist, and instead, I became Ashley. Now, I write, paint, and Nanny. I still want to satisfy my childhood desire to help others feel less alone. I’m on a path of recovery and self-acceptance and blogging about it on the way. This is my story.”