When is the last time you paused to be in this moment?
How many times have people brought up stories to you that you just don’t remember the details, because you were there, but not really because your mind was elsewhere?
Life passes us by so quickly. It seems like the days go by faster and faster as we get older. We are always waiting for something to happen, waiting for answers, waiting for certainty, waiting for the right person, for a new job, for a new opportunity. We are waiting so much for something else that we forget that we can enjoy this very moment that we have in front of us.
Right now, I am personally going through a lot of uncertainty with my mother’s health. Anyone who knows me, knows my mother has been my best friend since I was born and means so incredibly much to me. So with that, you know how difficult it is for me right now wondering what is next on this journey. My mind automatically goes to the negative and spirals out of control. I start thinking if she will be okay for some of the big milestones coming my way, like my wedding and God willing, kids in the future. The fear literally eats me alive. My mom has been sick for some time, and they are just now figuring out the unfortunate cause. And the whole time she has been sick, the fear has torn me apart.
But with this news of knowing more of what is going on with her and determining next steps, I am vowing to myself to not let my mind race 7000 feet ahead of me. I am trying my best to stay in this moment, focusing on the beauty of today. The beauty of today that my mom and myself and you, are so blessed to see.
Today is September 14, and today I ran my first ever official 5k with my fiance, two blessings in one – I have the mobile ability to run, and I am blessed with an amazing partner. The whole 5k I was present, and instead of dreading it and wanting it to be over, I thought of all of those people who can’t run, and it allowed me to fully soak in the moment, full of sweat, pain in my legs and a racing heart, I still soaked in every single second of it and was so grateful for what my body can do.
And then my fiance hugged me later in our kitchen, and instead of not truly feeling the hug and worrying about the unknowns, I just embraced the hug, and I was present. And it feels amazing to do so.
To say that I am not scared or that I am not still having a tough time when I randomly break down and cry, would be a lie. I am only human and I love the woman who raised me more than life itself. But the journey will continue to be full of ups and downs, unknowns, fears and sadness, but if I allow myself to be present and fully embrace each moment, no matter how crazy, sad, or silly, the process will be easier, the moments and time spent with loved ones will be even more cherished and at the end of this, when my mom recovers, I will have a beautiful story to tell. I will be able to say that I embraced every hug, every tear, every moment, because I allowed myself to be present.
Maybe right now you are waiting and praying for something good to happen, or maybe you are just wanting to be out of the situation you are in right now and it is really hard to be present. But there truly is courage in being present and embracing the moment. The days become more meaningful that way. There is strength in saying, “I have absolutely no idea what the future holds, but I know I have this moment, and this moment will create a beautiful story for me to tell of resilience, growth and strength”.
It is September 14th, 2019 at 12:30 PM and I will try my best to not think about the upcoming tests and scans, but I will remember right now that I have an amazing support system and I am thankful that in this moment, my mother is well. Being present means being in the moment. And being in this moment means being thankful.