Warning: this post contains awkward mirror selfies, which may cause flashbacks to middle school and MySpace days.
Alright, my darling. Come into this fitting room with me.
I want to talk to you about triggers, cues, actions, and behaviors.
I tried on this size 16 dress last night. I am usually a size 12/14. So, I was like, “I don’t even need to try this on. It looks big and will totally fit.”
But, I had other clothes so I decided to try the dress on. The dress didn’t make it past my hips. Even if it would have zipped, the dress would be a long shirt on me because I’m so tall (a common problem for a tall girl with a thick booty).
The trigger = this dress not fitting me.
The cue = the thought that enters my mind about my body because this dress doesn’t fit.
The action = how I respond to this thought.
The behavior = the pattern or habit I build because of this trigger, cue, and action.
Listen, even one year ago, this situation would have destroyed my day or even week. I would have cried in that fitting room. I would have been so upset with myself for not trying harder or for eating something “bad” that week.
Thank goodness, I am in a healthier state of mind. I am self-aware. I am confident that I work hard and eat mostly fine. I give myself grace.
So, last night it went like this…trigger – this dress doesn’t fit.
Cue = I didn’t really love this dress anyway.
Action = I’m going to buy this flannel shirt and vest that kind of reminds me of the truck driver from Dumb & Dumber (Seabass), but I am here for it!
Behavior = I love and honor my body at every size. ❤️
The biggest gift from therapy is this practice right here that I just explained – it’s reframing my thoughts and knowing that I am more than my mind. I can control a few things in life, but I can control how I respond and how I frame my thoughts.
In summary, if your outfit doesn’t fit, buy something better – that actually fits you – and carry on with your gorgeous little self.
When I told this story online, a friend called me and said, “THANK YOU for being so real about your experience. I have to be honest. I ordered a swimsuit online and I was POSITIVE it would fit me because on the size chart. I ordered it online and I think it was in the juniors section. Are you sure this dress wasn’t a kid’s size? Because you look great and maybe it’s just the dresses fault.”
So, maybe another tip would be to have friends like Lindsay in your life who lift you up and make you feel heard, seen, and understand at all times.
Your self-worth is more than a pant or dress size. Your self-love comes from within, not from something on a rack in a store.