Has anyone else been feeling emotionally drained lately and not quite like yourself?
I have been feeling like my equilibrium has been off for some time. And it gets really frustrating when I don’t have the same enthusiasm for things I usually love doing, like let’s say my mental health speaking job.
But I have to remember that I have gone through quite a bit of life changes these last few months. Finding out my mom had cancer was both a blow at my heart and a relief all at the same time. A blow at my heart because no one wants that kind of news and a relief because it had been 4 long months of being terrified of the unknown, and finally having answers made me feel like we could finally have a plan in place and move forward.
And then you have one big blow and you figure that will be it, that the universe is going to be kind to you from now on while you deal with this huge issue. But they say when it rains, it pours, and somehow all of these things keep piling up, and you start feeling empty. You start questioning why. You start getting agitated with those around you, and you start getting agitated with yourself. And that is exactly how I have been feeling.
I did a speech the other day and I told the crowd that I still struggle and some days I really don’t feel like loving myself. And for about a month or so, I haven’t even practiced self-love consistently, I have fallen back and started to lose my sense of self. I have been so overwhelmed that I forgot to check in on Ivy. I have been so angry with myself and with the world that I forgot to give myself compassion. We are only human, we are going to make mistakes, we are going to have set backs, we are going to cry and sometimes even though we know we shouldn’t, we are going to struggle in silence. This recovery process is messy and takes time. It takes a conscious effort to embrace the ups and downs of this journey and remind yourself that it’s okay to not be okay, it is okay to have bad days.
So if you have been feeling lately like you are out of balance, maybe because something big happened to you that shook you to your core or maybe you have no idea why you feel this way, either way, we are in this together. Take a moment and tell yourself that it is truly okay to feel this way, give yourself a big hug, or get a hug from somebody else. And then try again tomorrow. I don’t know when I will feel any better, but I vow to myself every day to keep trying. And then I find my glimmers of hope and happiness around me and in the things I love, and I am reminded that things will be okay. This too shall pass.
Be compassionate and patient with yourself, you are doing the best you can. We deserve the same compassion that we give to others. I am rooting for you just like I have vowed to keep rooting for me.