Maybe this time was meant to happen for me. Maybe things were going too fast and this was a way for me to slow down. A huge part of me felt overwhelmed. How could I ever handle all these speaking engagements, manage a city-wide event, work a part-time job, maintain a relationship with my fiance and myself, and plan a wedding? It all seemed almost impossible.
And then one day, I was forced to slow down. I was forced to refocus on what was important. I think I feel more whole and confident about myself than I have in a long time. And that’s often what happens, we are so go, go, go, that we forget to practice the self-love practices that even made us love ourselves in the first place.
I think somewhere along the way, I lost a piece of me. And I think with every day, I am building Ivy back up. This is a lesson for me. To not take on too much at once. To learn to say no. To remember that communication is key in any relationship. To be patient with my dances with past trauma.
Life is a journey. Unfortunately, we may never have all of the answers. But as I stand here and look at myself, I feel like the Ivy I had found when I first began my recovery journey. I feel less agitated and more alive, which is strange given the times we are living in.
I’m not sure how this time is making you feel. Maybe you feel you have time for self-reflection, or maybe you are in such a state of anxious thoughts, that self-reflection feels impossible. Know that either place is okay to be in. My wish for you is that wherever you are, however you are feeling, that you remember, that even if you’ve lost your sense of self, you can always come back to you. You can always find yourself again, or create the person you have wanted to be.
Sometimes we lose sight, sometimes the journey takes us away from who we are, but I am remembering that we can always come back. We can find the time to pause and remember what makes us feel good about ourselves. And then we can feel proud of ourselves, for choosing ourselves over and over, even things get messy.
Maybe this time was just a reminder, that even though the world is going through a lot, it doesn’t mean I have to stop working on me. I am grateful for this time. I am grateful for this renewed sense of Ivy. I’ve missed her.
Be patient with yourself, you are not alone.