I’ve been doing a lot of yoga and meditation lately to help me through. On the weekends, it is nice to have some extra time to do longer or multiple meditations. I did one this weekend that was focused on self-love, something I haven’t been doing so well lately.
The instructor said to think of a time when I felt fearful and full of anxiety and self-doubt. I immediately broke out into tears because I didn’t have to think of a time, because that feeling is happening right now. I spent most of the meditation in tears. It was full of sadness but also a lot of self-reflection. It was so powerful as she told me to hold out my hands to myself and tell myself that I am loved and worthy of love, and then to physically get up and look in the mirror and say that I am worthy of love.
What a powerful moment.
I was talking with a friend about how when we grew up, we didn’t know that we weren’t supposed to be so self-critical and that we didn’t know how else to feel about ourselves. We both grew up feeling like we weren’t worthy of love, and truly hated ourselves and the impact from our younger years plays a role today in our every day lives.
So if you’re struggling with self-hate, you are far from alone. If you are feeling full of self-doubt, fear and anxiety, I see you. If you feel unworthy of love, I understand. If you have grown up believing that you weren’t good enough, I feel that. But know that you can stop the cycle of negativity. It isn’t easy, the negativity comes back every now and then, but know that you don’t always have to feel this way.
I hope you know that you are worthy of love from yourself and others. I hope you know that it’s okay to feel bad about yourself sometimes, you are only human and you are not a failure. I hope you know that you can always begin again. I hope you find moments of self-reflection and growth like I have been having these last few days. I am still really struggling and I’m not sure when I’ll feel quite like myself again, but I know that within the cycle of life, that I will experience moments of joy and self-love again. Until then, I continue to put one foot in front of the other and remind myself that just like you, I am also worthy of love.
You are not alone. I understand.