You have good and bad days, but you keep showing up – that’s strength.
These last few days with my mom has been an up and down rollercoaster. My mom made the tough, but right decision to stop treatment. Her body is weak. The chemo will likely do more harm than good. She doesn’t want to spend more time in the hospital. And I don’t blame her. I’d rather her have a few good months of high quality life rather than a few months of pain and suffering.
Even though I agreed with her decision, the pain was still suffocating. It was just yet another reminder of my reality, that I soon won’t have my mom. I spent the majority of my morning that day barely breathing between the crying. It was a really, really tough day. The next day was a little bit easier. And yesterday was a little bit easier as well.
Each day, even each moment, can be good or it can be bad and sad. But even when it feels like the world is falling apart, even when it feels like the walls are crashing down around you and there is no way that you can keep going, you do. Somehow, someway you do.
I thought I would spend the day crying on the bathroom floor, that I would never be able to get up. And it felt like it was a full day of crying. But then somehow, I got up off the floor, I showered and I washed my face, I got dressed and I kept putting one foot in front of the other.
Life is going to throw some rocks at you. Some of them are going to hit you hard as hell. But you can hit back harder and stronger.
Until then, stay as long as you need to on that bathroom floor, crying. When you’re ready, know that there is a whole army of people, including yourself, ready to help you keep moving forward, to keep showing up.
You’ve got this. I’m here with you always.