I used to think self-care was restricted to the utmost honorable and virtuous actions. Actions like waking up exactly at 5 in the morning, eating only the healthiest and greenest of foods, locking away your phone at night to stop night-scrolling, etc. I was so stuck up in thinking self-care sculpted me into this ‘perfect version’ of myself that I thought I did not deserve self-care. I believed no matter how hard I tried, I could not work up to be the best version of myself.
This way of thinking led me down a spiral, where I would overwork myself on assignments or at work, thinking that this would be more beneficial than lazing about at home. I would even call off plans with friends because I thought having fun was a distraction, and that I needed to work harder so that I could maybe say I was working towards a better version of myself.
This way of thinking was a mindset of self-sabotage. I unintentionally was denying myself happiness and real, true self-care. It felt like happiness and self-care didn’t belong to me.
It wasn’t until my friends intervened after seeing me degrade myself that I realized how detrimental this way of thinking was. Not pulling all-nighters doesn’t mean I’m lazing about. It means I am working towards bettering my sleep cycle and taking care of my physical health.
Hanging out with your friends is a form of self-care. It doesn’t mean that you’re not working towards yourself, in reality, having my friends be there for me was healing me in ways I never noticed.
The biggest advice I received from my friends was that I deserve self-care. That the point of self-care is to be selfish and to do what you want to do if it means bettering your state of mind. So choosing to take a break from my schoolwork to just rest, is a form of self-care. I am choosing to be selfish and do what I want to do to be happy, not doing what I think will make me ‘perfect’.
Because as cliche as it is, nobody’s perfect. So why was I even trying to uphold myself to such extreme standards? When I look at my friends or family having fun, eating little sweet treats, or just resting, I never think that they are lazy or not deserving of their self-care. So why am I any different?
For me, I have learned that my form of self-care is to treat me like how I would treat my friends or family. If I want to eat a little sweet treat, I will. If I want to just rest, I will. If I want to see my friends right now and focus on assignments later, I will. Because it’s the self-care my friends and family deserve, and it’s the self-care I now know I deserve.