Ashley’s #iam1N5 Story

When I was a senior in high school I was very suicidal. I would sit with medicine in my hand night after night wondering if I would have the guts. I knew I didn’t want to die- I just didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. Thankfully I confided in a friend. Since then I have seen multiple counselors and have just recently found a medicine that seems to be helping with depression.

I went through a stint of severe anxiety during college that was paralyzing. I had to reassess my relationships, friendships, and my overall capacity. I ended relationships that were doing more harm than good for my emotional and mental health. I took time off of work and school to get healthy again.

I am now 22, a year away from being the first in my family to get a college degree, and I have experienced so much goodness in life since that dark year that I never thought I would. I now consistently take time for myself- I say no, I standup for myself, I get rest, and I do what I feel I need to for my mental/emotional health. I am glad that our loving God always pulled me away from taking action on dark thoughts.

If you have suicidal thoughts, or if you think you may struggle with something, please confide in someone you trust that will encourage you. Make decisions that will benefit your health- even if it breaks your heart and disrupts your entire life plan. Because things will end up how they are supposed to- but you need to be healthy and alive for it! One day we will be older, looking back on our lives, being thankful we did not miss out.