It’s Okay If Mother’s Day Is Hard For You

Mother’s Day has been conflicting for me for a few years now. The last Mother’s Day my mom spent on this earth was the one I told her that I was pregnant. The joy she had on that day was unmatched. The news of my pregnancy took away some of the pain, fear and sadness for her, even if it was just for a few days before she passed away from pancreatic cancer.

I wanted so badly for the news of her first grandchild to be the reason she could hold on for another 9 months to meet my baby. Unfortunately, it was all wishful thinking and I’ve had to spend the last 2 years being a mom without my mom. All I ever wanted in life was for my mom to be a grandmother. We talked about it endlessly. It’s one of my greatest pains that she never got to meet Charlotte in a physical sense.

On the other hand, I feel so thankful and blessed to have Charlotte. She’s been such a pivotal part of my healing journey. Her love for her Grammy that she’s only met in her dreams is beautiful to watch. I’m so thankful to be a mother to the happiest and sweetest little girl. She brings so much joy to my heart. I’m accepting every day that two things can be true – I can be in love with this life with Charlotte and also be so upset that this life isn’t truly what I wanted it to be. This is why Mother’s Day is tough. I so badly wish the 3 of us could do a Mother’s Day brunch and have three generations of love sitting at a table. I so badly wish I could pick up the phone one more time or have one last hug or to see how wonderful it would be to watch my mom interact with Charlotte. The pain of knowing I’ll never have those moments is a pain I wish upon no one.

So if Mother’s Day is hard for you because you have lost your mom or have a complicated relationship with your mom or your mom is too sick to celebrate in the ways you want to, I walk hand in hand with you. I understand your pain. I understand how heartbreaking it can be to watch others post about their living, healthy moms and all you want is to have that moment as well. I understand how grief can consume you years and years later and sometimes hold you back when the rest of the world seems to be moving forward.

It’s okay to sit in that pain for a while. I remind myself that my mom isn’t really that far away and that she will in fact be at that Mother’s Day Brunch, just in a different capacity. I remind myself that I’m striving to create the relationship with Charlotte that I had with my mom, and that brings me enough peace and happiness to get through the challenging days.

It’s okay to feel both sadness and peace, to feel both grief and joy, this Mother’s Day, or any day. Both feelings can exist at the same time and are valid. We can feel the pain, long for the past and also be thankful for the present and hopeful for the future. No matter what you are feeling this year, you are not alone. I’m wrapping you in a hug, just like my mom would if she were here with me this Mother’s Day.


Be Beautifully Simply You