Personal experiences and societal pressures make emotions seem like problems that need solving. To many, emotions seem like an uncontrollable whirlwind or drowning in an ocean. They may come across as barriers to fitting in, living life, and balancing responsibilities. Societal narratives that categorize emotions as “good” or “bad” don’t help. They cause people to judge their emotions, shoving down the ones that don’t fit the narrative of what is considered “good”.
Societal stereotypes also affect how emotions are viewed. Men avoid expressing their feelings in healthy ways out of fear of being seen as weak. This comes from the harmful stereotype that calls men weak for expressing their feelings. The damaging stereotype that women are too sensitive also causes problems. It causes them to avoid emotions, so they don’t feed into that stereotype. All these stereotypes are wrong since they dismiss the validity of human emotions and negatively affect how people carry, process, and see emotions. These negative effects can be reversed by treating everyone with respect and dignity without stereotyping them; It is up to each one of us to do this for the betterment of society.
Not being treated with respect and dignity is what caused me to avoid feelings. I used to view emotions as an obstacle and attempted to shove them down. When I was in grade school, I had no friends, so to cope, I avoided reality. While people ignored me, I ignored my emotions. While this helped me short-term, in the long-term, this had consequences. After years of ignoring my feelings, they came out through intrusive, negative thoughts I almost acted on. My situation is an example of what happens when feelings aren’t faced; they come out in unhealthy ways. Other detrimental ways unprocessed emotions can come out are through addiction, aggression, and seeking control. When we face our feelings, they don’t have the chance to build up overtime; this prevents them from gaining power.
Yet feelings can’t be faced before the societal narrative of them changes. Feelings aren’t something to be avoided but celebrated. They are a gift we can use to our advantage to understand ourselves and our relationships. Our range of emotions differentiates us from all other life forms. It is a universal part of being human, making it a passage through which we can connect with others on a deeper level. Contrary to what many believe, the ability to share emotions is a strength. It can encourage other people to share their feelings as well, which can strengthen bonds and help people process life events. Discussing your day with a safe person daily can be a simple yet effective practice that can help normalize feelings.
Another benefit of processing emotions is that it helps you get more in touch with yourself. The more you check in with yourself, the more you start recognizing preferences in what you like and dislike. This information can inform you about how you take care of yourself and ensure your needs are met. The emotions society often categorizes as “bad” are the ones that keep us safe. They reveal what you need, relationally, and can clue you into what is and isn’t healthy about relationships. So, when we don’t like what we are feeling, instead of ignoring our feelings, we should pay attention to why we are feeling them. This can help us realize when we are in uncomfortable, and/or unsafe situations and what is making that situation uncomfortable and/or unsafe.
The benefits of letting your emotions out are immense but can be hard to put into practice in a world that discourages feelings. A tool that helped me on my journey was the feelings wheel. A feelings wheel is a circular diagram that has core emotions in the center that expands outward into more specific emotions. This can help people to start recognizing their feelings when it is otherwise hard to do so. Another tool that has helped me normalize my feelings is journaling. Journaling is a cheap, practical, and time-efficient tool. It is a safe space where you can take your feelings out of your head and onto paper. To make it more personalized, you can add a lock and decorate it. I recommend trying a variety of exercises until you find one that works for you.
Getting used to your feelings and accepting them into your life takes practice. So, if you struggle to let yourself feel, give yourself grace. Like working out, this practice is difficult but gets easier over time. It is also impossible without consistency and taking it one step at a time. If you do that, letting out your emotions will eventually become a habit you don’t even have to think about. The process towards being an emotionally healthy person is a challenging journey, but I promise you it is worth it.