January was a whirlwind. Charlotte had a health scare that’s caused a lot of trauma for me. I spent most of January anxious and on edge and spent a lot of time awake when I should have been sleeping. I’ve sat through meetings for my business where I can feel the tiredness going through my bones. On top of that, I have been anxious about starting to pack up my house to move in the coming months. It’s been exhausting and overwhelming.
I think often about all of the things I should be doing like posting on social media more, writing my blogs, playing with my daughter rather than watching yet another movie, and cooking versus eating out. The list goes on and on. We can be so hard on ourselves. And for what? I have this constant battle in my head between all of the mom’s guilt and guilt about my business and reminding myself that I am doing the best I can and that what I have to give right now is enough. My daughter is well-fed, clothed, and more importantly, very, very well-loved. She loves watching movies, she learns from them and we get extra cuddles. That’s all I have to give right now. Some days are better than others, and that’s okay. And with my business, yes sure, maybe I should be more proactive. Maybe I should start writing that second book and think about starting a podcast and creating this and that or maybe, I should just rest. Because I need it. My body needs it. It’s screaming for it.
All that to say, we can only do as much as we can. Sometimes we will be rejuvenated and ready to act on all of our ideas, and other times we will experience pain, suffering, and trauma in our lives, and the things that used to feel important, just won’t anymore.
For a moment, I felt like I was about to lose Charlotte. I thought my precious baby was dying. Not much matters after that. I just want to be close to her and pour into me and the things I want to do. That is such an important lesson for me to be present and that everything else will be figured out and happen as it is supposed to.
At the end of 2023, I was feeling great happy, and whole. And right now I’m feeling a lot less great. I want all of you to remember that it’s okay for there to be ups and downs. Life is far from perfect. We can feel healed and then broken within the same day. We never know what life is going to throw our way. So be patient with yourself. Pour into yourself and what you need. Take breaks, and give yourself love and reassurance like you would to a best friend. Know that you are doing all that you can, and your best is enough. And remember you won’t always be in this place, that there is happiness on the other side of all of this pain. You are still strong, stronger than you know and you will get through this. Just like I will. But until then, I will rest. I needed to vent about this and remind you all yet again that it is okay to not be okay. This blog came at the perfect time for me and I hope it did for you too.
Xo,
Be Beautifully Simply You