“Smell the flowers and blow out the candles.”
“Pets or park? Bath or backyard?”
“Did you get stuck in the yuck today?”
These are just a few of the lines that can often be heard in our household to help our kids reset their big emotions. Sometimes it takes breathing or going outside to play and avoid too much screen time. We haven’t figured it all out just yet, but we’ve come a long way as we see what fuels and drains our children.
What we know for sure is that just like adults, children have big emotions. But as parents, it’s our job to help teach and model how to deal with those emotions. I think it’s safe to say that I did not have the correct words to help my own children with their mental health and emotions until working with 1N5 and learning valuable skills like protective factors and coping strategies.
Like many things in life, you don’t know what you don’t know. But the beauty is that once we learned these things, we were able to pass them on to our children. Our hope is that they will benefit from these now and for many years to come. And if we’re really lucky, they will be more resilient and mentally healthier than we ever were growing up.
Rather than merely repeating what we use in our house to help regulate our kids’ mental health – especially because like many parents, we’re very much still learning each day – I thought to ask them: a 9-year-old (Child 1) and a 6-year-old (Child 2). Here’s what they shared:
Child 1: “I like to count to five when I have a big test and I get scared because I have to do good.”
Child 2: “I like to go outside because I get to play and be silly.”
Child 1: “I’m happier the next day when I go to bed on time and read with mommy/daddy before bed.”
Child 2: “I love it when you say ‘I love you no matter what’. It makes me feel good.”
Child 2: “I like it when you put notes in my lunch. It makes me smile.”
Out of the mouths of babes, right? Here’s what these lines tell us:
1.We have to help them name what they’re feeling.
Instead of “Calm down,” try: “It looks like you’re really frustrated. Do you feel angry, worried, disappointed, or overwhelmed?” Putting words to emotions can help kids understand and manage them.
2. Routines are more than helpful.
Routines such as bedtime are essential. Sleep gives the brain and body time to recharge. We can help kids develop a consistent bedtime routine and remind them that sleep isn’t just about feeling rested—it helps their brains handle big feelings, too.
3. Teach them ways to regulate.
Give them a toolbox of strategies: slow breathing, taking a short break, getting some movement, listening to music, drawing, talking to someone, or getting outside.
4. Create space for talking without judgment.
Make regular opportunities for kids to talk—during a car ride, before bed, while walking, or over a snack. Ask open-ended questions such as:
“What was the hardest part of your day?”
5. Our words can build them up.
Encourage them through small, daily reminders. This can be through dropoff sayings, lunch notes, or simply a cheer from the sideline at their sporting event.