My one eye closes a bit more than the other when I smile, and I spend too much time re-taking photos trying to keep both eyes open.
I talk too much. But other times I don’t talk enough and hold in how I feel.
I talk fast. So I get my point across quickly. But you might not catch on if you process slowly. And I skip and trip over my words like crazy.
I laugh at inappropriate times. Especially when someone is mad at me. If someone is mad at me, I can’t make direct eye contact because I will just start cracking up. Even though nothing is funny.
I know I get headaches when I don’t drink enough water. But yet, still I end most of my work from home days with a headache.
I say a lot of things and wish I hadn’t said them.
My things are always in a clutter. I am a clutter-er.
I struggle with my mental health. Every day I have to do the work to remind myself of my worth and my growth. Every day, I have to remind myself to keep fighting.
Okay, so I just rattled off a bunch of imperfections. And these things used to make me cringe and hide from myself. I would hate myself so much for my imperfections that I would just hide from who I was. I forgot to realize that my smile is beautiful and who cares if one eye squints more than the other. I forgot to tell myself that I skip and trip over my words, but everyone does sometimes. I forgot to tell myself that I laugh at weird times, but that sometimes it lightens the mood. I forgot to tell myself that it was okay to not be okay. And I forgot to tell myself that it was okay to be who I was and that those imperfections made Ivy, Ivy.
I forgot, because I was too wrapped up being upset about my imperfections. Being upset that I had failed myself, society, and my friends, in that I wasn’t perfect. I remember playing with Barbie dolls growing up and remembering how “perfect” they looked. But I took all their clothes off and cut all of their hair off, almost to make them imperfect, since I couldn’t achieve perfection. It’s almost as if I needed to be perfect so badly, that I hated everything that was perfect, since I wasn’t reaching that goal.
But with time, I realized. I realized that imperfection meant beauty and that embracing imperfections meant joy and acceptance. I realized that seeking perfection robbed me of being who I wanted to be.
So now I still see those imperfections, but I accept them and I cherish them. I take them in with my whole heart and remind myself that my imperfections are some of the best parts of me. Without my imperfections, I would be perfect, and if I was perfect, I wouldn’t struggle, and well if I didn’t struggle, then I would never recognize my growth and my light and my story would be, well, boring.
You have tons of imperfections too. But you know what? Being perfect is not the goal, you will always be left feeling less than and bad about yourself if you continually seek out the unattainable goal of perfection. Instead, try something new and embrace who you are, with all of the messiness in your life. Embrace your quirks. Embrace your uniqueness. Embrace exactly who you are.
I encourage you to continue growing. Even though I accept that I talk fast as being a part of me, I try to slow myself down in anxious situations so I don’t trip over my words. But with growth, comes acceptance. So on those days I still trip over my words, I accept that talking fast is what makes me, me, and I wouldn’t want to be anybody else. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So accept who you are! Love who you are! Celebrate who you are! Imperfections and all, trust me you are amazing, despite your imperfections.