Today is another day without energy or motivation. Maybe you’re tired of hearing this from my blogs, I’m tired of feeling this way.
My husband and I recently took our delayed honeymoon. Like many people during COVID, our plans have pivoted and changed. During our trip to Arizona, we decided to enjoy a WNBA game. During the game, I began reflecting on my favorite movie, Love and Basketball. The lead female, Monica, decides that she was going to quit playing basketball and her ex-boyfriend, Quincy, and fellow basketball lover couldn’t quite understand why she would quit the game they both loved. Monica eventually realizes that the game isn’t fun for her anymore, because Quincy was no longer part of her life. The movie ends with them playing a 1 on 1 game to fight for his heart and get back together. If you know this movie, you know this is a heartfelt scene.
I realized that I too am like Monica. Speaking, blogging, life in general, really isn’t fun for me anymore without my mom. The difference is, I can’t play a game to fight to get her back, she’s gone from this physical world. The pain is too much to bear. I really am not sure what my future holds around the work I was once so passionate about.
I struggle with blogging now, mostly because I don’t have much positivity to share with all of you because I feel anything but positive. I know my mom would want me to find it within me to push through this pain, but it’s just much too difficult right now for me. I preach positivity and self-love, but I also want to remind you that it’s okay to have days, weeks, or in my case, months, where you don’t feel so positive or happy. I don’t think I’ve ever had to embrace the phrase, “It’s Okay To Not Be Okay” more than I have right now in my life.
So if you’re struggling – I see you. If it’s been months and you still don’t feel like yourself – I’m here with you, most days I don’t recognize myself. Most days I don’t see the happy, carefree, loving Ivy I used to be. I’m learning that that’s okay. If you are learning to reinvent yourself without someone you loved in your life, I walk with you every day.
I guess my positive message for you would be – it’s okay, even if people tell you to move on or expect you to move on, it’s okay if it’s still bothering you. It’s okay if some days are harder than others, it’s okay if all days are hard. But I never want you to forget that you are never alone.
Speaking, blogging, my life – it may all never feel the same, but I’m trying my best. And that’s all we can really ask for. Whatever your best is today, even if that’s just brushing your teeth – I’m proud of you.
Today is another really hard day for me, but I will continue to hold onto hope that better days are coming.
I walk with you.
Xo,