Put trust in the universe. Relinquish control. Everything will work out.
I keep telling myself that as these days at home become increasingly more difficult. Life is so different right now. It can feel fun and exciting at times to try new things or have more meaningful conversations or to spend more time outside. But it can also feel really dark and lonely.
I struggle with not being able to see my parents. I have gotten to this point where I am now angry with coronavirus, fed up actually. I am on this fine line of saying, screw it and going against everything I am being told to do right now with social distancing, but also knowing I should follow the guidelines to keep my parents safe. It is a strange place to be in, especially because I have absolutely no control over this situation.
My mom starts chemo back up this week. And although we expected another round of chemo, I wasn’t expecting her to receive it during a pandemic. But how would anyone have seen this coming? The idea of her getting sick terrifies me, and that’s why I have stayed so far away.
But if I’ve learned anything on this journey, with my mom, or with my own mental health struggle, or with coronavirus, is that we have little control over what happens in our life, but that doesn’t mean we are helpless.
We can’t control how others treat us, but we can control when we walk away and know we deserve better.
We can’t control when it rains and ruins our plans, but we can embrace the change in plans and make the best of it.
We can’t control when someone we love gets sick, but we can embrace every moment that we talk to them that much more.
We can’t control when coronavirus will be over, but we can have faith and trust that one day, things will go back to normal, and this time will become a memory and a story to tell.
Although so many things are out of our control, we can learn to accept that and to learn to embrace what has been given to us. It might not seem fair, we might not ever fully understand why, but one day we will look back and value our growth and value the lessons that we learned.
I think this is one of those blog posts where I struggle with the right words, but it feels good just to even write out how I am feeling. I am really angry with the universe, and I will allow myself to feel that anger rather than reject it and make it worse. But I will remind myself that I can either stay angry, or I can embrace this moment and remind myself of the beautiful relationship I have with my parents, in person or not.
I have the hardest time relinquishing control, but bit by bit, coronavirus is teaching me to be more patient with myself and with others. This time has allowed me to self-reflect and to understand what is truly important in life.
I hope you can find an outlet to let out how you’re feeling. Just writing that I am angry, feels really good. I hope you can see that even though it’s hard, you can relinquish control, and trust the universe, even when it doesn’t make sense what is happening.
This journey is strange and confusing and I just want to continue to remind you that you are not alone. Whatever you are struggling with, ask yourself, what can you control in this situation? Try to change your outlook and embrace what you have right now in this moment.
Put trust in the universe. Relinquish control. Everything will work out.
I will continue to remind myself, I hope you do too. We are in this together.