Choosing happiness and self-love after hardship

After losing my mom one week after finding out I was pregnant, I didn’t think life could get much worse. But life had other plans for me and things did in fact, get worse. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be where I’m at right now. I never thought I would be going through a divorce and that I would be a single mom. But here I am. And despite it all, I’m choosing to still find the positives and reclaim my power.

It’s been a little over a year that I’ve been a single mom and I just haven’t been ready to share it out loud in a blog. I think a small part of me still holds some level of shame around it because I grew up with the mentality that you get married and stay married, no matter what. I never believed in divorce and divorce always felt like a shameful thing to do. It’s hard to shake the mentalities you grew up with, especially when you are now living the life you so desperately did not want for yourself. But every day I am working to prove to myself and to those around me, that divorce does not make you a failure. Instead, getting a divorce when a relationship is no longer good for you, shows your strength and shows that you recognize your worth.

Looking back on this past year, it has been full of fear, sadness, grief, disappointments and anger. As much as I can, I’ve given myself space to sit in those feelings and mourn the loss of what I hoped my future would look like. But this year has also been full of me rediscovering myself. I’ve lost myself so much in these past years. Between losing my mom, becoming a mom, becoming a single mom and ending my marriage, I’ve lost key pieces of myself. And this past year, I have given myself the space to truly rebuild. I’m learning new things about myself, rediscovering parts of me that I have hidden over the years, and trusting my gut in a way I never have before and it feels so, so good and so, so freeing. Learning to trust myself have been the greatest gift from this situation. Even when that small voice tells me that I should be ashamed, I remind myself that I trusted myself and did what was best for me and my daughter, and that is strength. And now, I can listen to my gut and cloud out what others think and do what’s best for me. I’ve never done that before and it’s the most beautiful feeling. I’m rediscovering myself and I’m reclaiming my power and creating a future of whatever I want it to be.

I’ve learned through everything I have been through, just how strong I truly am. I’ve recognized my resilience, my grit and my determination to keep moving forward. I’m in awe of myself in moments that could have made me crumble, but I still showed up and made a happy environment for my daughter. I’m proud of myself for creating spaces of love and happiness in my life, despite the sadness that surrounded this past year. I know I still have a long way to go in healing all of the pain from these past few years and I don’t feel this way every day, but all I can say is wow, I’ve been moving through this so well and wow, I didn’t think I’d find happiness again, but here I am. Just me and my daughter, I feel happy, I feel whole. And I’ll continue to make every effort to work on myself so that she gets the best version of me.

If you’re going through something hard or experiencing something you never wished for your life, I get how heartbreaking and earth shattering that can be. It can feel like your whole world is falling apart and that you can’t breathe at the same time. I want to encourage you to grieve the loss of what you expected for your life and then I want you to trust and believe with even the smallest bit of hope, that you will see the other side of this. I want you to take this hard time and use it as an opportunity to reclaim your power, own your strength and rediscover who you are or who you are meant to be. Every day you are showing up and giving it the best you can. Keep choosing you, even when it’s messy or insanely difficult, keep choosing you. Get to know yourself again, know your worth, love yourself always and know that above all, you are stronger than you think. You can get through this. There is happiness on the other side.


Be Beautifully Simply You