Hold onto hope.
A simple statement, that can be so hard to do. This week, my family and I remembered the exact pain and fear that we felt this time last year. This time last year, my mom was being diagnosed with stage 2 pancreatic cancer. This time last year was one of the worst times of my life. The one word to describe the way I felt for the 2nd half of 2019 and the better part of 2020, is numbness. The fear that overwhelmed me made me feel numb. I felt disconnected from the world. I felt that the sadness could literally eat me alive. I felt angry at the universe for doing this to my mom and fearful about my own future and if I will ever have to deal with this cancer myself, fearful if I’d be able to celebrate milestone moments with my mom.
It’s absolutely incredible how much has changed in just one year. Even though I felt numb, there was a part of me that held onto hope that my mom would get through this. And I am so, so, so incredibly grateful that my mom is cancer-free, after a year of fear, tears, relentless chemo treatments, a major surgery that had its’ challenges and was undoubtedly the worst day of my life, and sleepless nights. We held onto hope, and we made it out on the other side.
Reflecting on this past year made me realize, that even in our darkest moments, we must hold onto hope. Even if that feeling of hope is smaller than a teardrop, hold onto that hope with everything you have. I can’t promise you that everything is going to work out beautifully, but holding onto that hope provides you with some promise, some positivity, and love, to keep moving forward.
I think if I had held onto that small feeling of hope a little bit tighter, I would have felt less numb. I would have been able to feel and embrace each moment a lot more because I would have truly believed that everything was going to be okay.
I still have no idea what the future holds for my mother or for me, and you have no idea what the future holds for you. But I am hopeful, with every day that passes, that everything is going to be okay. And I am grateful for all the moments I experienced during this past year, because now as I come out of my numbness, and truly begin to feel again, I realize the love and blessings that I have all around me, which only fuels my feelings of hope for the future.
You’ve lost a lot over the last few months. Be patient with yourself in this grieving and healing process. But hold onto that hope. Never stop holding on to hope, because everything is going to work out, exactly as it should be, and exactly when it should be. That sense of hope will pull you through and allow you to truly feel the moments of love and laughter around you. The sense of hope will keep you fighting for another day.
Even when it’s hard, don’t give up hope. The universe has a plan, and better days are coming.
Xo,