Keep checking in on those around you. You never know who needs it.
We are so good about it in the beginning, when someone experiences a loss, a trauma, or a breakup, we are so good in the beginning about checking in, seeing how that person is doing.
In time though, we stop. We stop asking how people are. We go back to our regular lives, and we almost forget about the pain for that person. I’m not here to criticize, I’ve done it myself, countless times. We have our own lives, we get consumed in the day-to-day, and we just forget.
I think I see it differently now that I have experienced what will forever be one of the biggest losses of my life. I worried about this moment, when eventually the check-ins, the phone calls, the requests to provide help, sort of just stop. And the days will just keep going on, and we will all move forward. I’ll carry a smile on my face and go through my day, but the hurt will stay, the hurt will keep me up at night still, the hurt will catch me at the most random times and suffocate me. And I know I can reach out, but sometimes you don’t want to, sometimes you just want someone to reach out to you and check in on you.
I’m writing this to remind you that if you know someone who was struggling a month ago, a year ago, or even ten years ago, chances are they may still be struggling. Check-In. Ask how they are doing. Go over to hang out and provide space for tears. I need that reminder too because the pain for others doesn’t stop just because I move forward. We need more of us checking in on others, even when we think they are okay. You never know when someone needs someone to just ask how they are doing and what they need.
To everyone who has reached out in the past, or who continues to reach out, or who merely reaches out because they’ve read this blog, I do want to thank you. As I look back on this post, I start thinking about how some people may feel slighted because they’ve been checking in, in the ways that make sense to them. And I don’t want to sound like I don’t appreciate you, but I just also want to say that I wish as a people we did more, I wish we continued in the same way we did when a trauma first happens.
Keep checking in, keep seeing how someone is doing, you never know when your text or call can come at a moment when they felt desperate for love and support from others. Our minds often tell us that we are alone, let’s continue to remind others that they aren’t.
Xo,