Remember all of those days you thought you couldn’t get through? Well, here you are. You are so much stronger than you think.
There’s a country song that says, “What I thought was going to be the death of me, ended up being my saving grace”. I remember thinking that leaving my last relationship would legit kill me and that I wouldn’t be able to go on anymore. But leaving that relationship actually saved me. It truly was my saving grace, that allowed me to live this beautiful life I am living today, which allowed me to live as my authentic self, something I never could do before, and that allowed me to do the work that I love to do.
Right now with my mom’s pancreatic cancer journey, the pain comes in waves. We thought we were in the clear, but we are back on a path of uncertainty and fear. The other night I had the biggest mental breakdown, that I could not breathe, and I could not calm myself down. The next morning, the pain was still there, but I got through the day a bit easier. If you had asked me the night of my breakdown, I would have told you that I couldn’t go on anymore, that I was tired, weak, exhausted, pissed off at the universe and really over it. And I did tell my husband all of those things. But the next morning, I did continue to go on. I continued to move forward and do the things I needed to do to the best of my ability.
It comes in waves. In those moments of despair and loss, it can feel like things will never get better and it can feel like life is swallowing you whole, or that there is no hope for you. But please hold on, please listen to the little voice that tells you that everything will be okay and to hold on for another day. I know the pain will still be there because I still feel my pain so strongly, but I can hold onto hope that this wave will come and it will go.
One day soon, I will be hurting again, back on that wave, but the wave will return back to the ocean, and the waters will steady, and I will be able to continue to push forward.
Reflect on some of your toughest days, the days that felt impossible to get through, but that you got through and that only made you stronger. The same can happen now. I know you may be struggling, and that’s okay, but remember that this wave will come and go, the current of the water may be stronger this time than the past, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t get through it. And you may need a life jacket or even a boat of support from others, and that’s more than okay.
You don’t have to do this alone. You can get through this tough time. One day, one hour, one second at a time, just like the last tough time. You are so much stronger than you think that you are.
So the next time you feel like you can barely breathe between your tears, allow yourself to ride that wave, and then hold onto hope that better days are coming.
That’s really all we can do.
Xo,