Brenda Shares Her #WarriorWednesday Story…

In 1992 I was diagnosed with bipolar 1.  I struggled mostly untreated for almost two decades.  Countless hospital stays.  Electroshock therapy.  Never being able to hold a job.  I lived in New York City for the first 10 years of this time and moved back to Iowa during a manic episode in 2003.

In September 2008 I became very “sick” again with an episode and was not sure I had another one in me.  I suffered crying every day for many many months.  Just wildly manic and psychotic.  Finally, I knew it would be the end of the pain and planned my suicide.   At this point, I’m 39. I ordered prescription meds from China.  I also had a prescription med in my house as I had attempted to get help.  My meds arrived and the plan was on.
On March 11th, 2009 I went out with a friend to dinner and drinks.  She came back to my house with me and left about 2 am.  I sat for a while thinking.  Finally, at about 3-4 am I decided to take the pills.  I sent a text to my little brother simply saying “come get Molly (my dog) in the morning, I don’t want to rot”.  He would never get the message but this night he was on the phone with his girlfriend on spring break.  I began swallowing the pills.  My little brother called me and crying hysterically I explained that I couldn’t take the pain anymore. He begged me to stop taking the pills.  He said I don’t care if you hate me I’m hanging up and saving your life.
I ended up taking 150 pills that night.  The ambulance came.  I flatlined in the ambulance. They performed CPR and used the paddles on me.  This happened a couple more times and finally, in the hospital, I stopped breathing.  I was put on life support.   A few days later by some miracle, I woke up.  My entire family had been there the whole time.
I spent a month in psychiatric hospitals and finally found help for bipolar.   I went on medications. I got a therapist.  I got the best psychiatrist I could find. I finally had hope.  That was March 11, 2009.  It’s now November 2021 and I’m living my best life.  I’m so grateful I survived.  I’ve been stable for the most part since.  For anyone out there thinking about suicide.  Get help.   Reach out.  There’s always hope!