It’s Okay to Struggle with Self-Confidence, But Still Give Yourself Compassion

A reminder to myself – I know it’s hard, but don’t be so hard on yourself.

I saw this quote the other day that read, “While you’re being overly critical of yourself, someone is admiring your strength.” And I thought to myself, how absolutely true.

My anxiety lately has been through the roof. I wrote about this last week, but I am so anxious about the future and the stability of my career, that it has made me so critical of myself. But at the same time, I get messages all of the time about how strong, confident and positive I am. I was told the other day how much guts I have to even have had the confidence to fully start my own business and that I need to make sure I am giving myself a pat on the back and giving myself more credit.

So I am challenging myself to do that now. And I want you to do it too. Pull out a piece of paper or your phone right now and write down 10 things you have accomplished that show how strong, confident and amazing you truly are.

I’ll start us off:

1. First off, I decided to even take this time to write down my accomplishments, rather than continuously beating myself like I have been. That is a huge accomplishment. Write this one down if you didn’t yet, because you did something for you by stopping to pause and write down your worth.
2. I struggled with my mental health in silence for most of my life, and that was the worst place to be in. But now I challenge myself every day to be vulnerable with all of you, my husband and family, and my therapist, to make sure I get the help I need.
3. I was a Top 30 Finalist for the NCAA Woman of the Year Award – something I didn’t acknowledge as meaningful back then, (that’s a story for another blog post) but now something that I realize is pretty freakin’ cool!
4. I took a huge leap and left my full-time job to fulfill my passion.
5. I believed in myself enough to take that leap.
6. I have hired a few contract employees! The fact that my business is stable enough to expand is EXCITING! And I need to celebrate my growth.
7. I redefined what “be strong for your mom” meant, and now allow myself to feel the feelings on her cancer journey.
8. I take care of myself. I get out of bed, make breakfast, brush my teeth. Some days those are tall orders.
9. I found the strength to leave an emotionally abusive relationship, which helped me to grow in SO many ways. And he showed up on a presentation a few weeks ago and despite my anxiety attack, I was ultimately able to maintain composure and not let him have power over me again. That was HUGE. Facing your abuser after years of trying to get over the pain, is beyond difficult.
10. Every day, I give myself permission to try again and to reach new goals. Every day, I try to ask myself what I need and fulfill it. Every day I have been challenging myself to take more breaks, to eat all the foods and not worry if my body looks “perfect”, and to just be Ivy.
11. And one more to build off that last one because this activity is putting a smile on my face. My coach told me once, “Just be Ivy because Ivy is pretty great”. It wasn’t until years later that I was able to embrace that I was great and that I could accept my imperfections, rather than hating myself for them. Learning to love myself, through all of life’s ups and downs, through all the moments of self-criticism and self-doubt, has been one of my boldest and biggest accomplishments.

I hope you tried this activity. I hope you take the time to recognize that you have accomplished so many things, no matter how big or how small. You may have moments of doubt and self-hate, you’re only human that is okay. But take a moment to recognize how far you have come. Give yourself some credit today for all you have done. Give yourself compassion for your negative thoughts, and give yourself the grace to continue to try again, and again. It’s okay if you struggle, you are not alone, and better days are coming. I hope by doing the activity, it helped make you smile, too, and feel even just a little bit better about the awesome person you are.

I still struggle with my self-confidence. I still struggle with loving myself. I still struggle with trusting the universe and letting go of perfection. I am just learning to be less critical with myself and more compassionate. Be kind to yourself, you have endured so much and you are truly doing the best that you can.


Be Beautifully Simply You